Hero to Zero

Previously I've praised the Portman Group for having a sensible attitude about spurious complaints, like those made against Dorothy Goodbody's - but they have completely lost the plot over their criticism of Brew Dog's labelling.

Apparently - according to the same organisation that doesn't have enough teeth to stop the massive discounting of commodity beers in supermarkets - this fantastically funny and witty bunch of independent brewers are in breach of various areas of the code with various beer descriptors.

I'm not saying that brewers should be free to make claims that a person drinking their beer will become Superman, Don Juan and Stephen Hawking - from one sip - but using the phrase 'twisted, merciless stout' should surely be allowable?!

Frankly, if you are so stupid that you think the phrases ‘nourishing foodstuff’ and ‘magic is still there to be extracted from this drink’ implies that 'it could enhance mental or physical capabilities' you damn well deserve to have your life terminated by jumping off some very high scaffolding with your pants over your trousers, screaming 'I Believe I Can Fly' - because at least it would take you out of the gene pool or, if the injuries weren't fatal, it should at least stop you even paddling in the shallow end!

Beer Geek's Breakfast

Well, this beer geek's breakfast was judging the Sainsbury's Beer Competition yesterday and the final 15 were a jolly impressive round-up of good to great beers - full list below.

My personal favourite of the bunch was Holden's Golden Glow - do you know why? Because it is a just a really good, easy drinking, well balanced beer - and you just don't get enough of those these days.

It is a British ale, just 4.4%, and it's made with Maris Otter and Fuggles - and all those simple things somehow combined to make beery nectar of the highest order.

What really struck me about this beer was it did everything just right - the mouthfeel was silky without being sickly, the biscuit of the malt wasn't too sweet and the hops were just bitter enough to make me want to take another sip, and another, and another!

So well done Holden's - for me you were head and shoulders above everyone else in the craft of balanced brewing.

I also had a good chat with the beer buyer - and Sainsbury's seems pretty committed to stocking good beer and supporting the brewers who make it, which is nice to see.

I'm not advocating abandoning local beer purveyors if you use them, but if you are going to shop in a supermarket for your beer then choose one that gives brewers a fair deal.

Anyway, on to the reason for the title of this post. Having finished in Holborn I had to head to Borough to do some work on my new joint venture http://www.lovebeeratborough.ning.com/ and I got caught, as so often happens, having a couple in the Rake.

Whereupon I met Phil Lowry from Cave Direct , who may need to redeem himself after saying something along the lines of 'you look nothing like your facebook picture' and then following it up later with the comment 'it's a sexy picture'!!!! My fragile ego has naturally been shattered by these comments...

Anyway, he's currently still, just about, making the Christmas card list because he introduced me to the Beer Geek's Breakfast, a coffee stout from Mikkeller.

These former home-brew enthusiasts were voted fifth best Danish brewer in 2006 and on the strength of this beer I can see why.

Although I will honestly say it's a little sweet for my taste, coffee lovers will adore it - it's made with a pretty complex mix of malts, hops, molasses and coffee - pale, oat, smoked, caramunich, brown, pale chocolate and chocolate, roasted barley, flaked oats, Palisade, Centennial and Cascade.

And I love their unashamed assertion that you should actually drink this to start the day: "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, many say, and if you are a beer geek there is no better way to start the day than with a powerful, complex morning stout. The unique mix of oats and coffee gives this beer large body and power, while the coffee, at the same time, creates a nice balance."

Couldn't have said it better myself!

Sainsbury's Beer Competition Winners
Williams Bros Brewing Co Good Times
Holden's Brewery Ltd Golden Glow
Hampshire Brewery Pendragon
Highgate Brewery Ltd Highgate Old Ale
St Peter's Brewery St Peter's Amarillo Ale
Sharps Brewery Honey Spice Wheat Beer
Okell & Son Ltd Dr Okells IPA
Copper Dragon Scotts 1816
Frederic Robinson Ltd Ginger Tom
Redrat Craft Brewery Crazy Dog Stout
Bath Ales Barnstormer
Ridgeway Brewing Beer of the Gods
Greene King Greene King Sun Dance
Arundel Brewery Prizefighter
Williams Bros Brewing Co Harvest Son
Cairngorm Brewery Company Trade Winds

I'm Now a Hairy Biker 'Chick'

It's a rare thing that I meet people so totally genuine and lovely that they get an honourable mention on the blog but Dave Myers and Si King, also known as the Hairy Bikers, you've utterly stolen my heart!

I met the lads when I was filming a slot for Market Kitchen about Belgian beers and, due to the nature of TV things, I spent a lot of time hanging about waiting to appear but Si & Dave (along with Matt Tebbutt, Tom Parker-Bowles, Patrick Gwynn Jones and the whole of the crew) made time simply fly by.

The Bikers' bonhomie, passion for food and incredible love for Belgian beer permeated the whole studio and made the whole experience an absolute hoot.

For those of you who haven't experienced these guys' unique brand of food programming you've missed a real treat but can make up for it by catching them on UKTV Food (Sky channel 259) with a repeat of their tour of India from Monday April 14.

And I can honestly say to those of you who have seen and loved them, I promise you, what you see is most definitely what you get - isn't that fantastic?

This post promotes a television appearance I made.

Camino Out and Play

Well done to the lovely Richard Bigg and his team at Camino on winning Best Bar in the Observer Food Monthly Awards.

The venue, just a stone's throw from King's Cross and St Pancras, is simply one of my favourite places in the capital, I just wish it was a bit closer to where I live!

With beer served in frozen glasses for that fabulous 'oh my god I'm on holiday' vibe, this tapas bar and Spanish restaurant with its separate entrances, which does nothing to undermine the vibe, awesome graffitti and great service is simply divine.

And they don't just have a boring bog-standard blonde Cerveza list, they actually bother with tasting notes and exciting brews - see below for their offerings and may I suggest you book now because the minute the rest of the world discovers this relaxed food and drink wonderland it's going to be busy!

Cruzcampo (de barril) 5.0% Bright golden pilsner style. Crisp, clean + refreshing premium lager from Seville £2.00 (1/2 pint frozen mug) / £3.45 (pint) / £6.90 (2 pint jug)

Alhambra Premium 4.6% 330ml Rounded, smooth, easy & well balanced lager from Granada £2.90

Estrella Damm 4.6% 330ml The smell is of faint grain with a touch of smoked veggies and some husk £3.20

Ambar 1900 'La Zaragozana' 4.8% 330ml Pale ale from Aragón. Characterful + creamy, gutsy with good body £3.20

Amber Negra 4.8% 330ml Soft, smooth and malty stout from Aragon £3.20

Up-Skirt Quangos

Now there's a headline I thought I'd never write, but then who would have thought a Government-funded agency would waste taxpayers' money staring up the skirt of a bottle label?

Seriously!

A representative of Alcohol Concern the – and I use the term loosely – think-tank on alcohol strategy, decided an efficient use of its time would be to complain about the picture of a buxom wench on Dorothy Goodbody’s Wholesome Stout claiming it was sexually suggestive and clearly commando - which I honestly can't see, even when it's been suggested to me.

But what I can see is the future, if this over-zealous Puritanical attitude is representative of government-funded agencies, and this future is one where we'll see the banning of:

1. Betty Boop
2. Jessica Rabbit
3. The Beryl Cook ladies
4. And the Fat Slags from Viz are dead-cert for the chop

Thank God the Portman Group, the UK’s drinks watchdog, has got some sort of perspective on reality and knocked back the complaint stating that the branding was merely ‘saucy’ and the claim that the woman in the picture wasn’t wearing any undergarments was a case of ‘the complainant’s imagination getting the better of them’.

But, it seems sense prevails more here than in the US where, for example, Rose de Gambrinus from Cantillon caused a bit of a stir in Maine because, shock horror, it has a rather pretty watercolour of a nude woman sitting on what looks like one of those naughty Greek god’s lap; and another state, Ohio I believe, has banned representations of Belgium’s famous statue the Manneken Pis from beer bottles too - because, and get this, it doesn't allow children to be represented on bottles of alcohol - I feel it necessary at this juncture to point out that the damn statue is over 400 years old!

And then there’s the French offering of la Biere sans Cullottes, which has a picture of a rather strapping lady with torn top and a bare breast (the result of being in a bloody great scrap by the look of it) rallying the troops for another charge in the name of la Révolution, which got censored in parts of the States too.

Which brings me to the subject of where’s the line? Well it’s a tough one and whilst I don’t find many beer bottle labels or pump clips offensive some people might - personally, I’m significantly more worried about the music videos I see on MTV these days!

But, I have to admit, that a very small minority of clips and labels are offensive, most of these are also just puerile, so I don’t buy those beers – I don’t care if they are the dog’s dangly bits I won’t spend my money on them.

But that's my decision - I don't need a quango squandering my taxes to direct me on this...

N.B. I did try to speak with Alcohol Concern on two occasions, but was unable to elicit a comment from this organisation.

Networking Opportunities

Morning all, just a quick one to say there are two new beery social networking sites.

First is Democracy's Drink and the second is the Aleumenati - interesting move forward from the blog culture to facebook-esque networking sites.

Looking forward to see how these develop and may even set up one for a new business I'll be announcing later this week... watch this space!

A Little Less Conversation a Little More Action

I'm delighted to have so many new comments on the blog and, at the risk of blowing my new-found popularity (which is still bemusing me, I've never had so much feedback on one article!), I've been thinking about how to further explain why it's pointless 'marketing' beer at women when education is the way forward.

What prompted this train of thought is that I was talking to a mate the other day - in the run-up to Valentine's Day - and he was asking me for help buying his Mrs some underwear.

Now, after I'd cleared up that he wasn't expecting me to model it or such like, I started giving him some advice and I suddenly realised what was perfectly normal to me was in fact double Dutch and daunting to another section of society - because of a total lack of education!

I'm not saying he was thick- quite the contrary, actually, he's annoyingly intelligent - but when has anyone sat the average bloke down and said: "Look, this is what 38 means and this is what C means - but I'm only that size in these brands and in those brands I take a size bigger/smaller or I hate this type/colour/make - oh and don't forget the matching pants!"

Correct me if I'm straying into presumptuous territory here but I don't think it happens very often or my mates wouldn't be ringing me and John Lewis and Selfridges wouldn't have been running underwear masterclasses for fellas at Christmas!

Honest to god, I've seen the question 'what cup and back size is she sir?' bring blokes out in a cold sweat and who can blame them?

And it's the same terrified expression that I've come across when women are similarly panicked by the question 'do you want a beer or an ale?' because no one has ever told them that the damn things were different.

I imagine the thought process goes something like this:
Internal voice:"Isn't beer ale? Or is ale beer or... oh bugger it"
Externally: "I'll have a glass of wine please."

Back to the lingerie section and, if the shop assistant is feeling particularly sadistic, they could start saying: "Is sir looking for a balconette, or is madam a full cup kind of girl? And would you like matching briefs, bikinis-style briefs, g-string, shorts or French knickers to match?"

Which is kind of the underwear equivalent of saying: "What beer would you like? A hoppy beer - like a classic bitter or would you like something with more zing like an IPA? Or do you want a malty one? Porter, mild, ESB?"

It all comes down to the flow of information and, frankly, that's where the beer market as a whole and the cask market in general get let down.

On either subject the issue of support has a tendency to be key - so let's demand a little bit more of it!

BTW if any blokes reading this need advice, please don't message me - follow this link! http://www.signonsandiego.com/entertainment/street/2007/12/fashion_a_mans_guide_to_linger.html